communication

JUST LISTEN​

Posted on by SHY


Hello, my lovebugs. It has been a long time. I say about a year since we have last chatted. Life has kept me busy. I do miss spilling my guts on my little piece of the internet, but I have, as of late, been doing that on my Insta-stories on Instagram. If you chose to, you could follow me Instagram.com/5incere is where you can find me most days. From discussing a little bit of pop culture but I mainly just talk about nothing and everything lol. Okay, now that I got that out the way, let us discuss why we are really here.

A few days ago, I was having a conversation with a loved one. The love bug was venting about their grievances with work, and life itself. Something I think many, including myself, can relate to. While the love bug was venting, I automatically went into action mode. Trying to figure out a way to help them fixed the problem. I also may sure to tell them I had advised them about a method that could work in their favor years ago, but they chose to not listen, and because of that, they are still at a crossroads regarding what has them troubled. The loved one then commented, ” I am sorry to be venting to you and making all this trouble,” I am paraphrasing, but ultimately that what they said. I reassured the love bug that it was no trouble at all. I was just trying to help. The conversation changed, and we eventually got off the phone. A few days later, I went over what happened in my head, and I realize something. The loved one just wanted me to listen. Then I kept continued to on this thought and come up with the notion most people just want you to hear without responding.

Just think for a moment…have you ever called a friend to vent and was irritated when they offered unsolicited advice? I will be frank here I have never been irritated when this happened to me. I vent not only to get it off my chest but also to get the listener’s opinion, but I am finding that everyone doesn’t want that. Some people, no matter the circumstance, just want a listening ear, not a fixer or someone who is going to criticize them. As much as I thought I was helping them, I may have harmed the way the love bug communicates with me. Because of that, I am going to use better discernment while being the listening ear to make sure advice or me getting in problem-solving mode is what is needed at the moment.  Some people need help, the problem solver, but sometimes they want you to just listen. Let’s make sure we know which one is required before we do it to keep our conversations between our loved ones a safe space.

 

Sincerely,

Shyla

Follow me on Social Media.

Facebook.com/SincerelyShyla

Twitter.com/Sincereshy

Instagram.com/5incere

 

CHECK ON YOUR PEOPLE!

Posted on by SHY


Hello Loves, how was your  Father’s Day? My sisters and I had a grand time with our father yesterday. I feel very blessed to have my father here. We haven’t always had the best relationship but we continue to work on it and that is what really matters. This  blog entry is something that has been nagging at me for a few weeks now. I wasn’t going to blog about it because this really has been run into the ground but it needs to be said.

The last month or so my community has suffered a lot of deaths. Some from violence, some from illness and others self-inflicted. When these kind of things happened we all usually say the same thing like ” Tell your people you love them while they are still here” this phrase is the most popular. Another one that is beginning to become popular is ” Check on your people!” This  phrase I believe comes from the recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, two wealthy and seemingly happy individuals. There has been a lot a speculation on why they decided to take their own lives so I will not touch on that however I will asked you ” When is the last time you checked on your people?”

When was the last time you called a friend for no reason at all but just to see how they are doing?

When was the last time you offered a hand to a friend who is in need without being asked?

When was the last time you sent a text message saying ” I love you” without being prompted by something happening?

When was the last time you called to be a listening ear? No judgements, no comments…strictly to listen.

I think many of us (myself included ) are guilty of  not checking up on our people. We have to do better! Do not let the excuse of “well they do not check up me “stop you from checking up on them. Life has shown me that the only thing that matter is how we treat others and what we are doing in the present moment. The past is the past and we have to strive to be better people for the future. Check up on your people loves! You may make their day when you do!

 

Sincerely,

Shyla

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No One Listens!

Posted on by SHY


Happy Mother’s Days loves!

    Today we honor and appreciate you. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by a tribe of awesome  mothers who inspire me everyday. Many of  you coming from different walks in life yet all have the same goal to be the best mother you can be to your child/children. To raise respectful, loving and intelligent children( I know there is more but these 3 are the first that came to mind lol). To provide a stable and healthy home life. I thank you for showing that you can be a mother and also have a life. It was always thought when you become a mother your life is over. Many of you have shown me that being a mother is life altering but your life is not over. Cheers to each of you. 

If you are new to this blog you may not know that my mommy passed away in October of 2015. I briefly talk about it but never dedicated a whole blog post to it. For one it was too painful and I did not want to anyone to be sad.  I hardly discuss my feelings out loud because I truly believe no one really cares and barely listens. This is actually the purpose of the post today because I sometimes feel like no one listens to me when I speak. I mean many of you hear me but actual listen….not so much. A perfect example of this is what happened early today.

I woke up feeling ok. I told myself ” Shyla you aren’t going to cry this year. You got this. Be productive and keep your mind busy. If you happen to have a few tears fall its ok. Wipe them and keep going. NO FULL OUT CRYING SESSION!!!”  Yes I said that to myself ….crazy huh. Well as I was getting myself together…I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts….Fav Baby Mama( check out when you get a chance)…I received a notification from Facebook. My ex left a message on my wall. I thought it was odd considering he never leaves public messages…always in the inbox lol. Anywho…the message said and I quote…

” You’re on my mind knowing this is your first Mothers Day without her!

                           Stay in prayer and uplift his name for comfort!’

Now don’t get me wrong I do appreciate him thinking about me. I truly do. Everyone is busy and to be thought of is a beautiful thing but on the other hand this reinforced what I know…..NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!!. Dude how could you not know this is not my first mothers day without my mom!!!! I inboxed you, you responded with giving me your new number and told me to call you asap. I called, we talked, gave you the info of the arrangements everything. How could he not remember that. I mean we even talk after that. He was trying to rekindled what we had. Early this year being the most recent time. When I saw that…I lost it. I cried so hard not because I thought he should remember but because he did not listen to comprehend. He heard my lips moving heard a few details and didn’t remember the rest. Knowing that hurt me to the core yet he isn’t the only one. I see with my own eyes when I speak that some people arent listening just hearing my voice. Saying the occasional ” yeah” and ” okay” in the appropriate spots. Things like that can drive a person crazy and is the driving force why many go to therapy instead venting to friends and love ones. People would rather pay to have someone listens to them than to have someone pretend to. However, after writing this I  also realize that I have been that person as well. I am here to say that I  apologize. I said all this to say for those who feels like no one is listening… I understand…I been there and with some I am still there. If you can get a therapist who will listen without judgment and will keep notes lol. Everyone should have a person they can pour their heart out to and know that they are listening.

 

Sincerely,

Shyla

 

 

 

EVERYONE HAS THE SAME 24 HOURS

Posted on by SHY


Hey there my beautiful loves. I am not going to beat around the bush…..yes everyone has the same 24 hours and we make time for what we feel are important.

Now you may asked what made me think of this. Well it is something that kept occurring or shall I say KEEP OCCURRING in my personal life.

So last week I text someone a nice and friendly ” Good Morning” as I was getting ready for work. Now between certain hours of the day I can be extremely busy when I am not able to check my messages.

Now that day a few hours had passed before I got the chance to check my messages and when I did there was not reply message.  

This is not new( me not getting a timely response) and any other day or maybe if it was someone else it probably would not of bothered me so much but today….honey….that irritated me!!!!

Later that evening I decided ….” what the hay..I will just call and see if we can chit-chat for a few minutes that may be a better method of communications.”

I called and the phone rang until voicemail came on. Now again like I stated earlier this action was not new. I am not always able to get a response from this individual in a timely manner. I do understand we have stuff going on.

Work, school, children, family as well as activities so I understand that everyone is busy. However, TOOOOODDDAAAAY the lack of acknowledgment irritated my soul. Really is it too much to asked for a reply to a simple ” Good Morning” text?

It is too much to asked for a call back just to say  ” Hey I got your message and missed your call but I was extremely busy at those times. I will call you back when I am free.” Please let me know if this is too much and that my expectations are too high.When I got home that evening and really thought about it. It cause me to write this blog entry.  

                  EVERYONE HAS THE SAME 24 HOURS.

                             POINT. BLANK. PERIOD.

In those 24 hours we do what we deemed to be important . This can cover a spectrum of things. In relationships we know communications and time spent are key components to a great relationship. Relationships that lack communications have a hard time succeeding .

That is why it is so important . I do not think anyone should go multiple days without talking to their mate. To be honest what man is going to allow a few days to pass without speaking to you. Most will be too afraid to let another man slide in and lose you. Because of that fact he will constantly text, call and visit you to let you know they are serious. 

Friendships are sort of the same way. Friends do not to have to talk everyday for the love to be there. However, the bond may be stronger if you do. I said all this to say that people make time for who and what they deemed important. Sometimes, I am sorry to say it may not include you. If it doesn’t chuck it up as a loss and keep pushing. We should never have to beg or pressure someone to make time for us especially when their actions show they really do not want to .In the meantime make sure you are making time for your loved ones. Invite them out. Send them a gift. You will be surprised how happy you will make them feel by showing them that you care. We all have the same 24 hours so lets spend it wisely.

Sincerely,

Shyla