OK I am currently in Starbucks doing my homework. I have an online math class that is kicking my butt. Please do not asked why I decided to take an online math class. Well I will just tell you that it was the only class available. I picked my classes a whole two weeks before the semester started so there wasn’t many options for me to choose from. I just asked that you pray for a chick lol. Anywho…I was studying the chapter I had homework on and a song by D’Angelo came on. I cannot even tell you the name of the song, however, that song instantly made me think of my ex. It brought up feeling I guess I had suppressed these last few years. I truly thought I was over that chapter of my life. However, that song proved that I wasn’t and it made me incredibly sad. I was frozen the whole time the song played. I kept thinking….you cannot possibly be still hung up on a man who you HAVENT seen or talked to in YEARS. Well maybe I am not hung up . I think I am more sad than anything. I guess I am sad because he has had many relationships since we broke up( I know because the first year of our break up I check his social page….sad I know …however I haven’t checked his in years now). While I only had one and it lasted six months. I ended it because I felt like he was into it. I wont waste your time if you don’t want what I want so I let him go. We are still great friends though. I guess I am also sad because of the plans we had and what an awesome team we would have made. He was only man I ever met that work harder than me. He worked 7 days a weeks 16 hours a day for months on end. Him being a worker was a huge turn on for me lol. I like men who work hard and who are good providers.I He was also very funny, intelligent, loving and just all around good guy. I guess You may asked why we didn’t make it. I could tell you but it is just too much to write and explain. I guess as good as I THOUGHT we were the truth was we both out grew each other and did not communicate like we should. Also us living in two different states did not help us either. I guess many of us have those moments when you think…I wonder what would have happened if I said this or did that. Those questions popped in my head when that song played today and when the song ended I realize our break up happened for a reason. Thinking of the “what if’s” keeps me living in the past. I now understand that missing someone is not so bad but life moves on and so shall I. Maybe one day in the near future I will hear that song again and not have those feelings anymore.
Here is to wishing.
Hey Loves, I do realize it has been quite awhile since I blogged. Please forgive me but life has a way of distracting you lol. .What made me decide to blog today came from a television show I watch the other day. I belived it was called “Good Cooking”. This week episode feature an elder woman from the Palmer Woods part of Detroit Michigan. The host and the elder lady talk about her heritage which happened to be Creole. It was important because that explained her cooking style. This was very good episode but what stood out was when the show explained how she had worked for her husband as a office manager for years. Her husband was a psychiatric and had a booming practice until he suffered a stroke. Which made him unable to work anymore. When that happened she made a decision to go back to school and obtain her masters degree at the age of 57. Now that is what blew me away. She was motivated by her ancestors who were rich enough to not only buy back their relatives out of slavery but also run successful businesses. Her will to get her degree at the age when many people are in the process of retiring totally inspired me to not give up on my dreams, Even if I am at age when many are getting settle in the careers. I know she went back to help to make sure her family was financially secure but I am sure it was a goal of hers to get her masters. Let us all learn from this elder woman who did not let her age stop her from accomplishing a goal of hers. Life is way too short to not being doing what you love. If not that at least in the process of doing what you love. Here is a little in encouragement from Mr Steve Jobs
This picture was taken last week at my church Easter service. This is me walking in with other saints excited to get a word from the Lord. This pic is so dear to me. One reason being for many years I was a severely shy woman. I truly live up to my name. I could not go anywhere by myself. To the mall, to the store, to the movies not even to church. I was totally dependent on people to accompanied me so that I could feel comfortable. Even with that I was not totally comfortable. I was always nervous that someone was talking about me( yes I was very silly). As a child I was always shy but when I graduated high school my shyness had gotten to new heights. I truly do not know when or why it gotten to be so bad. However seeing this picture shows me how far I have come. A few years ago I asked the Lord to work on me concerning a few things in my life. On the list of things I asked for help in it didn’t include my confidence however when I became stronger in the other areas my confidence grew. I no longer need a buddy to go shopping with. I also don’t need a gym partner, a church buddy, a dinner companion..etc..etc. I learn to love spending time with…ME…MYSELF AND I. Now don’t get me wrong I enjoy spending time with my friends and loves one. I am just not dependent on them for a good time. People asked me all the time….”Why didn’t you invite to me to go with you to the mall or to church..etc..etc?” To those questions I want to say so badly….”If you only knew how hard it was for me to get to this place!” Instead I simply reply….”Next time I will!”
WOW…I cannot believe I have not blog since the end of 2011. Well I will be the first to say that 2011 was of the most emotional time of my life. If you read my last post you will understand why I stated that. However I am back and stronger than ever. Many things have changes since I wrote my last blog. My weight for one. It has been a constant struggle for me to lose weight. For one, I am an emotional eater. When I am sad…I eat. When I am happy…I eat. When boredom strikes….let me go to the kitchen and see what’s popping lol. Where it stands now I am down for my highest weight but I am nowhere near my goal. That is another blog post in itself *serious side eye*.Moving right along…although my weight has changed, relationship status, some friendships have shifted…my faith in God has not. Since 2011 I have become stronger than ever. I can now look in the mirror and see the change in myself. I feel like now my light is shining through this broken yet strong vessel. I never been so excited to go to church nor hear the word. When I read my last post I see the pain with each word. I feel the hurt with each line. Those few hundred words cannot begin to convey what I went through emotionally especially near the end of the year. Today I can look back and sing ” SO Glad I MADE IT…I MADE IT THROUGH’ a line from the song “Testimony” by Marvin Sapp. Whew..God is simply amazing. I have so much to share but for now just know that I AM BACK IN A MAJOR WAY!
BE BLESSED LOVES
Yes,2012 is almost here and I couldn’t be any happier!!! This year has very rough on me! In January I buried my grandmother! In February my dear friend passed away! In march my mother suffered a heart attack!! Months later one of my coworker died! Now I am here in December with so many emotions that if I allowed myself to continue to cry,my tears would fill up an ocean! I know very dramatic yet very real! I have concluded that God didn’t allow things to happen to me to break me! Instead it was to strength me! God allowed certain people to hurt me so I could ultimately let them go! God didn’t want me to go into the new year with dead weight!! Now the tears I cried made my vision clear!!! I have a new direction…..and it all leads to ME!!!!!! I have spent too much time attending to everyone else needs while neglecting my own! I will not do that anymore! I will also continue the road to make my relationship with God stronger!!! I know my God is a jealous God and will remove things/people out of your life that is hindering the relationship you have with him!!! I know I have a long road to go but with fasting and praying I will get there! So I have no new years resolution just a new focus, a new direction, a new perspective…..and most importantly A NEW ME!!!!
Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!!!!! When I sit here and think about my fondest Christmas memory one comes to mine!!!! I had to be about 12 years old! My grandmother call the house to talk to me! Which was odd because we didn’t talk much on the phone at the time! During the conversation we talked about general stuff and eventually the real reason she called came up!
Grandma: Now you know there is no Santa right?…….Which I did…last year I found what my mother had bought us in the basement on accident but me being a kid I said I will roll with it!
Me: Really grandma?!? I didn’t know that!….I know why my grandmother did that! She knew first hand how hard my mother worked to provide a stable household for my sisters and I!! Then here comes the holidays which also put another financial burden on her! So my grandma thought she would help her out by telling me there was no Santa so she would not have to buy as many gifts!!!
Grandma: Yes there is no Santa….you all don’t have no chimney how do you think you get those gifts!?!
Me: Through the window!
Me: Grandma……grandma….are you there!?!
Grandma: If you like to make a call please hang up and try again!!!!!
This woman had hung up the phone on me lol!!! My grandma was good for hanging up on you if she doesn’t like what you had to say!!!. That is my fondest Christmas memory what are yours????? Please share!!!!!
So it’s the night before Christmas and truthfully I am not full of cheer! Yes I do realize that tomorrow is my JESUS birthday!! I celebrate his birthday all the time! I give praises to his name daily so I know the importance of tomorrow! I am sad because tomorrow a tradition that was started before I was even thought of will not be carried out!! For over forty years…my family has gathered for Christmas and this year we will not be doing so! Well my Aunt is visiting her only son and his family this holiday season so I mean that is understandable but it was my mother that rocked the boat!!! While visiting my mom and siblings a few weeks back my mom dropped the bomb….she said ” I want to stay home for Christmas!!!!” In my head I was thinking….” Whatcha talking about Willis” lol…my actual response was ok!! She went on to say..how she just wanted to relax and chill!! I’m thinking you can chill when we get back home LOL!!! I am not selfish…my mother has had a rough year! She has suffered a heart attack ,was not long ago diagnosed with copd…so I understand her need to rest! I am just going to miss being around my Aunts and cousins!! I will miss watching my Aunt Avie eating a hearty bowl of ice cream….KNOW DANG WELL SEE IS ALLERGIC TO IT….and her later BLOWING THE HELLLLLLOOOO out of someone’s bathroom! I always thank God she has only one episode of the motor city incident!! How anyone gets poop on the wall is beyond me LOL! I’ll miss watching movies together, playing the Chinese gift exchange….all that stuff!!! I know nothing can remain the same forever but this is one of those thing I wish did!! I just hoped this is a fluke and next year we will back to business…..here is to hoping!!!!
Today I had a few moments to think about some of our approaches to dating! Many of us as soon as we exiting one relationship, we jump back into another! Then later wonder why you keep having failed relationships! Because of this I came up with an idea on how to approach the dating scene! We will use the traffic light as our guide!!!
RED LIGHT MEANS STOP!!!!!!!!
I know you are thinking traffic lights start with the green light! I agree it does but in dating you should never just shoot out there! For one you may get run over….LOL! I choose to start with the red light because before you date anyone, you should stop and ask yourself some hard questions! I..e…what am I looking for? What do I bring to the table? Am I emotional ready to let someone in? These are just few questions you can ask yourself before you start to date again! I say the most important one is make sure you are emotionally ready!
YELLOW LIGHT MEANS YIELD….IF TRAFFIC IS CLEAR PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!
After you have asked yourself the questions from above and feel that its safe to enter the world of dating….proceed but with caution! This is the time when you just get your feet wet! Go on a date or two….nothing serious! You are still testing the waters! At the yellow light you will find out if you are really ready for this! If everything goes well then continue you on but as usually look both ways LOL!!!
GREEN LIGHT MEANS GO!!!! GO!!! GOOOOO!!
You did it!!!!! Yay!!! You are have the green light so go baby!!! If you have reach here you ready to enter the dating realm!!! You are emotionally ready and are equipped to handle anything thrown your way with maturity! Meaning not allowing past incidents with your former suitors hinder your impeding relationship with another!
Well loves those are my thoughts on dating….what are yours?!? Please share!!!
Yes….that is right!!! I can say lately on my feeds on Facebook and Twitter men have imposed the question on why women can’t keep a sexual relationship strictly sexual!!!….Really?!?….I guess men don’t realize that women…..well atleast most women are by nature more emotionally attached! When we have sexual intercourse with a man we like/love/care for them! Unlike men we don’t separate our feelings from our sex lives!!! Since the men wants us to….I thought I can give some pointers on how to keep emotions from arising in those kind of situations!.
(1) Don’t bring an overnight bag! Remember this is just about sex so when the do is done….do what the men do……SKATE OUT!!!!
(2). Don’t hold long conversations! You don’t need to hear about his day or if his business deal went through! This information he shares with a friend not you because you called on business! The business of getting down to business….YOU HEARD ME!!!!
(3) Absolutely no outings!!! Eating out…come on now….sounds like a date to me!!! If you are hungry grab a banana…and keep it moving! Besides bananas has potassium in them…..#energy
(4).Never meet up at your crib!! Why he does he need to know where you live!! ….UH UH…NOT GOING TO HAPPEN…*IN NEW NEW VOICE*….he might try to make unannounced visit which is a pet peeve of mine!
Ok ladies these are the 4 main golden rules to keep it strictly…..d….kly……feel free to add more…….
The last few days has been a rollercoaster of emotions! These emotions have left me with many unanswered questions! Although I don’t want to blow anyone house up or their mouth anymore lol…the hurt is still there!!! I even was making some out of character post on Facebook and Twitter!!! While I was at my emotional high a young lady who also commented on a thread where I was cutting up made a statement that stuck in my head! She said….” Don’t be bitter be better”….hmmmmm?….I let that marinate in my brain so I can totally grasp this advice! As mad as I was….Sn: still am….I cannot allow this experience change me! Yes what has happen cannot be taken back!Although many apologies has been issued but I not ready to forgive yet!!! I know I will eventualy because I am too nice to hold a grudge forever!!! But for now ill just evaluate what I have learned and I concluded that although my feeling and ego is bruised….I will vow to be better not bitter!!!