Happy Mother’s Days loves!

    Today we honor and appreciate you. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by a tribe of awesome  mothers who inspire me everyday. Many of  you coming from different walks in life yet all have the same goal to be the best mother you can be to your child/children. To raise respectful, loving and intelligent children( I know there is more but these 3 are the first that came to mind lol). To provide a stable and healthy home life. I thank you for showing that you can be a mother and also have a life. It was always thought when you become a mother your life is over. Many of you have shown me that being a mother is life altering but your life is not over. Cheers to each of you. 

If you are new to this blog you may not know that my mommy passed away in October of 2015. I briefly talk about it but never dedicated a whole blog post to it. For one it was too painful and I did not want to anyone to be sad.  I hardly discuss my feelings out loud because I truly believe no one really cares and barely listens. This is actually the purpose of the post today because I sometimes feel like no one listens to me when I speak. I mean many of you hear me but actual listen….not so much. A perfect example of this is what happened early today.

I woke up feeling ok. I told myself ” Shyla you aren’t going to cry this year. You got this. Be productive and keep your mind busy. If you happen to have a few tears fall its ok. Wipe them and keep going. NO FULL OUT CRYING SESSION!!!”  Yes I said that to myself ….crazy huh. Well as I was getting myself together…I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts….Fav Baby Mama( check out when you get a chance)…I received a notification from Facebook. My ex left a message on my wall. I thought it was odd considering he never leaves public messages…always in the inbox lol. Anywho…the message said and I quote…

” You’re on my mind knowing this is your first Mothers Day without her!

                           Stay in prayer and uplift his name for comfort!’

Now don’t get me wrong I do appreciate him thinking about me. I truly do. Everyone is busy and to be thought of is a beautiful thing but on the other hand this reinforced what I know…..NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!!. Dude how could you not know this is not my first mothers day without my mom!!!! I inboxed you, you responded with giving me your new number and told me to call you asap. I called, we talked, gave you the info of the arrangements everything. How could he not remember that. I mean we even talk after that. He was trying to rekindled what we had. Early this year being the most recent time. When I saw that…I lost it. I cried so hard not because I thought he should remember but because he did not listen to comprehend. He heard my lips moving heard a few details and didn’t remember the rest. Knowing that hurt me to the core yet he isn’t the only one. I see with my own eyes when I speak that some people arent listening just hearing my voice. Saying the occasional ” yeah” and ” okay” in the appropriate spots. Things like that can drive a person crazy and is the driving force why many go to therapy instead venting to friends and love ones. People would rather pay to have someone listens to them than to have someone pretend to. However, after writing this I  also realize that I have been that person as well. I am here to say that I  apologize. I said all this to say for those who feels like no one is listening… I understand…I been there and with some I am still there. If you can get a therapist who will listen without judgment and will keep notes lol. Everyone should have a person they can pour their heart out to and know that they are listening.

 

Sincerely,

Shyla